Ice Fisherman Doesn’t Call 1-900 Number For Sex

Ask the men of Chrislip if they like ice-fishing, and you are likely to hear a resounding “Uh-huh.” It’s a favorite pastime among men of middle-age and older, especially in winter. Although women aren’t allowed to ice-fish, they play an important part in the ritual. It’s a rare Chrislip housewife who hasn’t come home to find a pile of her husband’s crappie in the kitchen sink. As a rule, she cleans and cooks them without complaint… and enjoys eating them too, of course. But the one aspect of ice-fishing that women tend to tire of very quickly is hearing about it.

Any fisherman can tell you that catching the fish is only half the fun – five-eighths at most. The true joy lies in telling tales about the catch. Chrislp women generally draw the line here. Cleaning, cooking and eating the fish is enough; they don’t need to know the details. This depresses their husbands. But when there’s a hole in a man’s life – whether it’s a hole in his heart or a hole in the ice on a winter pond – there will be a woman who’s willing to step into it.

This year, that woman is Brandee Fontaine. Knowing that the men of Chrislip have a hard time finding a willing ear to listen to their exploits, Brandee has set up a 1-900 number so that they can talk to her about ice-fishing for $4.95 per minute.

Brandee Fontaine tastefully refrains from shaking what her mama gave her.

The service is very popular, but some housewives are less than thrilled that their men have Brandee’s phone ringing off its hook.

Joan Belding’s husband Frank has racked up nearly $400 in phone calls to the Ice Princess. Joan listened in on one of the calls, and found it disturbing. “It bothered me that he was opening up about the intimate details of his ice-fishing life with a total stranger,” she says. “He told her things that even I don’t know, like the fact that his shanty is double-sealed, and how big around his ice hole is.”

Brandee shrugs off the idea that she’s some kind of Field & Stream Jezebel. “If anybody’s marriage is breaking up because of ice-fishing, it wasn’t on very solid ground to begin with. Besides,” she adds with a knowing smile, “if these women were giving their husbands what they want, they wouldn’t have to get it from me.”

She says that next winter she plans to market an inflatable version of herself for sportsmen who like their ice-fishing conversations on a face-to-face basis.

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