Garrison Keillor Tells Chrislip to Be Less Funny

Garrison Keillor and his NPR mafia rolled into town this week determined to let the air out of Chrislip’s half-inflated balloon.

“The upper Midwest is big enough for only one fictional small town filled with entertaining dimwits,” contended the capo of casual humor, “and that town is Lake Wobegon, where all of the children are above average.  Get it?  Everyone?  Above average?  Laugh, damn you, or I’ll give you something you’ll really laugh about.”

Chrislip’s Mayor, Howard Presnell, pointed out that the two towns are in different states and that, by contrast, all of our children are below average.  Even Chrislip’s disabled children roll their eyes and drool more than slow kids in neighboring communities.  These facts were met with a volley of rhubarb pies.

Few Chrislipians are aware that Mayor Howard Presnell sent undercover agents Sophia and Eric Holmberg to Lake Wobegon to discover the hidden secret of its popularity

The contention about our children was actually made by striking local schoolteachers.  You’ll recall their angry picket signs shouting “Garbage In, Garbage Out!”  Still, Mayor Presnell knuckled under and gave the teachers a raise after they pointed out that all of our children used to be well-below average.  However, studies later showed that test scores rose while the union was on strike.

“We here in Chrislip refuse to give in to the demands of terrorists, no matter how folksy or funny they are,” the mayor defiantly replied.  “They can’t just come in here and politely throw their weight around.  After all, irony is our only export.  Even fictional mayors gotta eat.”

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  1. Of course I’m just a casual observer, but there seem to be absolutely no similarities between the two towns. Aren’t your Lutheran bachelor farmers all Swedish?

    • chrislipjournal
    • January 10th, 2011

    Saaay, didn’t we meet at Camp Groovy?

    Swedish, with a good dose of German. I think you gave us an idea for a local cable TV show: “The Lutheran Bachelor.” This will be nothing *at all* like “The Bachelor,” except for the format, concept and execution. Thanks!

    • They say plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery (although not an especially good legal defense.)

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