Construction Crew Accidentally Unearths Disco Fever
A recent outbreak of peace and love has left Chrislip officials horrified. The incident occurred shortly after workers digging the foundation for a new high school gymnasium uncovered a time capsule buried by the class of 1975. The vessel contained a collection of then-popular clothing and music. More insidiously, opening the tomb seemed to release a virus infecting the discoverer with an appreciation for anything from the seventies.
The construction workers soon displayed an unhealthy need to wear pink hot pants and glitter eye shadow while listening to LPs by Abba, the Bee Gees, and the Captain and Tennille.
“Disco Dan grooves the jackhammer now,” explained burly crew supervisor Dan Keenan. “Dan the man still does his thing, but he, like, boogies from a different place now. Gotta move on, gotta move on, and burn this mama down!”
Symptoms of the illness begin with an involuntary twitch in the young person’s nether-regions and quickly proceed to the wearing of bell bottoms and peace symbol necklaces. Eventually the afflicted individuals exhibit an Afro, an unquenchable thirst for cocaine and, still worse, an appreciation for the music of the Village People. As a precaution, school officials quarantined in the cafeteria all students wearing bell bottoms and/or platform shoes.
“This morning we opened the cafeteria doors hoping to see normal teenagers,” said school Nurse Evelyn Carter, “but instead we found them dancing beneath one of those mirrored balls. If we don’t do something right away, Chrislip will have a full-fledged disco inferno on its hands.”
Chrislip city officials acted quickly to remove the problem. “Once they started spouting about ‘free love’, we knew that there was no point trying to reason with them,” explained Mayor Howard Presnell. “Anyone who’s been divorced knows that there is no such thing.”
With the quarantine having failed, local officials bought them all bus tickets to San Francisco. “That’s what worked back in the seventies,” said Presnell. “It’s not like people who like to dance and have fun were going to retire in Northern Michigan anyway. To hell with them and their ‘groovy’ selves.”