The Hidden Link Between Yoga and Divorce

Chrislip’s professor of psychology, Dr. Max Trask, is well-known for his experimental and occasionally effective therapies.  When the Journal last looked in on the good doctor, he had just opened the Hate Café, an innovative, sink-or-swim method of marriage counseling in which husband and wife attempt to resolve their differences by learning to work together by running Dr. Trask’s restaurant for free.  While Dr. Trask reports that dozens and dozens of divorces were served, he shuttered the operation in favor of a new technique that he refers to as “Bikram reconciliation”.

“The problem with ‘restaurant therapy’ is that it was an uncomfortable experience for the patron, what with all the arguing and throwing of plates,” admitted Dr. Trask.  “This new form of counseling enables couples to sweat out their differences.  And even if they’re unable to save their marriage, at least they’ll be more tone and fit for their next lover.”

According to Dr. Trask, if this pose doesn’t renew your husband’s interest, nothing will.

Based upon Bikram Yoga, the object of this new therapy is to purge the marriage of hostility.  The temperature in the former Hate Café has been turned up to 105 degrees and the sweat-soaked participants report that, after a 90 minute session, they are often too exhausted to fight with one another.

Couples reported that the rapid weight loss didn’t hurt either.  “Tara and I would lose about 5 pounds a session,” said Darin Cox.  “Not only that, but Dr. Max was able to sweat the bitch right out of her.”

Dr. Trask admitted that the newly svelte women often feel conflicted about returning to their old husband with their new body.  “Now that I’ve purged myself of my body’s toxins, it’s time to do the same for my love life,” said the newly-popular Tara Cox.  “Darin was just disrupting everyone’s karma.”

Good news, ladies, Darin Cox is single again.

Ms. Cox now reminds herself of the young woman who won the Miss Lard award at the 1996 Chrislip Farm Fair.  This might not sound like much to an outsider, but around here, where lard and happiness go hand-in-hand, it is considered a great honor.  As winner, she was awarded with a bust of herself made entirely of lard.  For years the award was stored away in the freezer.  Tara admitted that she hit bottom the morning that she used her nose to fry bacon.  The former Miss Lard never felt so aptly named.  These days, with Dr. Trask’s help, she reserves that disgust for her ex-husband.

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  1. Come on down south, they sell Miss Lard awards in all the stores. You get a price break buying a dozen or more.

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