Youth Camp Reopened as Savings and Loan
Many residents were saddened when Camp Chrislip, the site of many of their youthful indiscretions, declared bankruptcy. For instance, housewife Michelle Guidry fondly remembers the day twenty years ago when she got back at a fellow camper by serving him brownies laced with Ex-Lax and hiding the toilet paper.
“I was worried that my kids would miss out on the sense of camaraderie you gain from the camp experience,” said a wistful Ms. Guidry. “And I was looking forward to giving my daughter the recipe next summer.”
Fortunately, concerns when Chrislip Savings and Loan foreclosed on the Camp’s mortgage turned out to be misplaced. Ever sensitive to their image as money-grubbing hedonists, bank president Thomas Woodward reopened the camp in June for the children of parents with deposits of at least $10,000.
The new camp resembles a rural version of Donald Trump’s “The Apprentice” with participants pitching ideas to the bank’s board of directors around a campfire. Kids with poor ideas are fired and sent home without severance or S’mores. Their parents are instructed to pick up their little losers at the front gate and even have to return their free toaster to the bank.
Mr. Woodward dismissed concerns that it is overly harsh to fire preteens for suggesting that the bank not foreclose on their grandparents’ mortgage.
“Children with the best ideas are richly rewarded and aggressively promoted,” he claimed. “For example, our new eight-year-old vice-president came up with the idea to dispense Mexican pesos from our ATMs. That way, when the customer enters the branch and demands U.S. dollars, we hit them with a foreign currency exchange fee. Brilliant! It’d be a shame to waste this kind of intellect on our schools.”