The Dark Side of Fart-Lighting
Chrislip firefighters responded to an alarm on Sylvan Lane last Tuesday afternoon, and found the home of Lloyd and Betty Conover fully engulfed in flames. There were no injuries, but the house burned to the ground.
The fire marshal said that the Conover’s 18-year-old son, Earl, started the fire accidentally. He was home alone, and was amusing himself by holding a lighter near his buttocks while expelling gas. One particularly successful discharge apparently ignited the drapes in his bedroom. Rather than calling 9-1-1, Earl fled into the woods, hoping that something would happen to make the fire go out.
“It’s lovely, isn’t it?” remarked neighbor Laura Franke. “Earl is a high school dropout who doesn’t work, doesn’t do chores, eats like a horse, and contributes nothing to the household. Then he lights a fart and burns the house down. I sure wouldn’t want to be the one who writes that family’s Christmas newsletter this year.”
The Conovers had no house insurance, having cashed in their policy to pay for Earl’s home napkin-folding course, which he failed to complete.