Children Spell Diversity “YES I CAN,” Then Can’t

Last month, the 4th grade class at Chrislip Elementary School performed a disturbing rendition of “It’s a Small World After All,” a song most commonly associated with the ethnically diverse, animatronic dolls at Disneyland, and the migraines they cause.

Unfortunately, minorities, animatronic or otherwise, are in short supply in small towns throughout the upper Midwest. Chrislip, Michigan is no exception. The colors of our ethnic rainbow range from Irish-American to Polish-American. That is, from white to translucent. Of course, that’s our loss, particularly during basketball season.

Lacking the cast to pull off “It’s a Small World,” teacher Mrs. Johnson manufactured her very own minorities using ethnic costumes.  “Diversity is important,” said Mrs. Johnson. “I don’t want another generation growing up believing that African-Americans are limited to only being basketball players or presidents.”

Throughout the performance, the singing would stop and one child, wearing his “people’s” clothing, would step forward and describe how America has oppressed them.

Starting off the program, little Ethan “Carlitos” McMahon announced that his fellow Mexicans crossed the desert only to suffer selective prosecution by the Arizona police. Then he peed his pants.

Said Joshua "Hadji" Stewart, "Our god has this many arms!"

Then, ten-year-old Emily “Abiba” Gillespie, dressed in a burka, proclaimed that America was only fighting in Iraq for oil. “The truth is,” said the little cutie, “that *teehee* politicians in America are nothing but puppets *heehee*, and the oil companies of the Great Satan *teehee* pull their strings and make them dance to the discordant tunes of their world-devouring serenade.” Then she peed her pants and fled the auditorium as the audience chanted “Yes to Big Oil, no to YOU!” in unison.

“All in all, I thought the evening was a great success,” said Mrs. Johnson. “The beauty of a song like ‘It’s a Small World’ is that it brings people together. It’s nice to be part of such a tight-knit community.” Then she peed her pants.

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  1. Jeez, diversity really gets Chrislip bladders going, doesn’t it? You guys must’ve been flash flooding all over the place when Barry and Rahm headed for DC.

  2. “I don’t want another generation growing up believing that African-Americans are limited to only being basketball players or presidents.”
    Absolutely! It’s important that they know also about careers in drug-dealing, car-jacking… ;P

    Also, please tell me there was no peeing involved in writing this article because blisterina certainly has a point. (And if there was peeing involved, do not tell me!)

  3. Tale, don’t forget break dancing and jive talking!

    It’s probably a good thing I’ve never told the guys that I’m Mexic — oops. I’ll get the paper towels…

      • chrislipjournal
      • June 23rd, 2010

      Um… never mind the paper towels, may I see YOUR papers? 🙂

      We’re actually not as bad as we sound. It’s just that we were raised on the National Lampoon, so being non-PC is second nature to us. In real life, I think you’d find us rather… well, not pleasant, but basically nice. 🙂

  4. Not peeded but pissed. Every day the TV ad Pure Michigan goes on and on about swell lakes and the water is cool and clear. Texas lakes are the color of warer you wash dogs in. What gives? Or just sing my favorite “It’s a real world after all”.

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