Local Man Named Justin Bieber is Rumored to Have the Same Name as Pop Star Justin Bieber

If you’re looking for the definition of a “nobody,” middle-aged postal workers normally fit the bill quite nicely. There’s a certain postal worker in Chrislip who’s always seemed like a nobody to us, but he’s suddenly found himself in a bizarre kind of limelight. He’s 48 years old, chubby and balding. And the little girls of Chrislip won’t leave him alone.

It just so happens that he has the same name as Justin Bieber, the teen singing sensation that ‘tweens think is the hottest thing to come out of Canada since William Shatner. Despite the fact that our Bieber is obviously not their Bieber, the fans seem to feel that just being near someone who shares the name somehow brings them closer to their idol.

Justin Bieber

“It’s crazy,” admits the older and larger Bieber. “I first noticed it one morning when I went out to get my paper wearing only my tightie-brownies. I heard screams. That’s not unusual, but usually it’s Mrs. Fleckman next door. This time it was kids.”

Bieber knew nothing about his famous namesake, but he has a coworker whose cousin has a friend who owns a computer, so he was able to learn a little about him. “I looked him up on the intertube,” he says. “We share a name, and I have to admit that the physical resemblance is uncanny. He’s probably a better singer, though.”

See also: Black Man Sentenced to Two Weeks of Justin Bieber

Even so, he’s not above having a little fun with the situation. “The other day I went out on the porch, shook my pretty behind, and gave the girls an impromptu concert. I just started making up the dumbest lyrics I could think of: ‘And I was like, baby baby baby oh, baby baby baby no, thought you’d always be mine’. I sing like a hinge, but the kids ate it up.”

Oddly, Bieber doesn’t resent having teenage girls swooning at his size eight postal shoes. “I understand,” he says. “I was the same way at their age. Except I was swooning for Shaun Cassidy and Leif Garrett.”

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  1. Shaun? Leif? Nancy?? Steve Austin (aka-Stone cold, Texas Rattlesnake) had this same problem. He tried to register his showbiz name and was told it was “taken”. He refered them to scripture, Austin 3;16 “you’re about to get your ass kicked”. Amen.

  2. That photo cracked me up. A calculator?

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