When Politicians Attack…
In November, when many Democratic congressmen are shown the door by an angry electorate, North Carolina Representative Bob Etheridge will have a job waiting for him. His recent manhandling of a student on the streets of Washington D.C. has caught the attention of Vince McMahon. “I was impressed with his quick anger and firm grip, but he needs to work on his acting skills. I’m hoping that, with enough training, he can become another Howard Presnell,” said the WWE founder, referring to Chrislip’s current mayor.
Local residents might remember that Mayor Presnell first gained attention at a political debate by hitting his opponent over the head with a folding chair and then placing him in a sleeper hold until after the election. Chrislipians have both admired and feared the renegade politician ever since.
The unorthodox political techniques have continued to this day. Whereas most candidates are known for kissing babies at campaign stops, Mayor Presnell plays an extended version of “got your nose,” refusing to return the nose until after his successful reelection.
“Of course, I realize that, physically, Mayor Presnell didn’t really have my son’s nose,” said a Chrislip mother. “But you try explaining that to a panicked two year old child, who believes this strange man is walking away with his nose. At that point, to stop all the screaming, I’d vote for Rod Blagojevich.”
It’s become a Chrislip political tradition to receive from the newly reelected mayor a thank you card featuring the image of a detached nose. The gimmick has been so successful that during the last election Mayor Presnell began collecting noses at the psychiatric ward of St. Jude’s Hospital.
“I don’t know if that’s responsible for my most recent reelection,” said the mayor, “but it’s got to be a lot more effective than wrestling students on the streets of Washington, DC. That’s just crazy. Hey, I did give your kid’s nose back, didn’t I?”