Local Bums Raise Stink
Being a disenfranchised person in Chrislip is usually a pretty sweet deal. You get to experience the beauty of all four seasons up close and personal. You’re recession-proof, because no matter what happens with the economy, you can’t sink any lower than you already are. And best of all, you feel the satisfaction of seeing headline writers fired for referring to you as “bums.” (Bye, Tony!)
Lately the homeless of Chrislip have found a downside to their lifestyle. And until things shape up, they’re going on strike.
“I’m pulling my people off the lines,” says organizer Larry Naughton, who goes by the disenfranchised name of Ol’ Clem the Storyteller. “Things are getting out of hand. These past few weeks we’ve actually had people offer us work. This is unacceptable. I know our signs say WILL WORK FOR FOOD, but everybody knows that WILL WORK is code for WILL ACCEPT DONATIONS. People who don’t know this obviously have very little knowledge of the homeless. So the next time you threaten one of us with a job, think about what your ignorance says about you as a person.”
Ol’ Clem further elaborated on the sign. “FOOD, of course, means liquor and cigarettes. And folks, booze and butts ain’t cheap. It takes folding money. So next time a desperate person falls on his knees and begs you for cash, don’t just drop coins in his hat. Show some dignity, for cripes sake.”
Clem offered to share his opinion of the socio-economic cause and effect of disenfranchisement, but a police car drove by and he ran away.