Black Man Sentenced to Two Weeks of Justin Bieber
Like a lot of twentysomethings, Darnell Colby likes to spend summer evenings cruising the streets in his Volare and playing his be-bop music loud. Chrislipians are normally quite tolerant of such behavior, but Darnell pushed the envelope a little too far one Saturday night last month, cruising and blasting his hippity-hop at 9 PM when decent people were trying to sleep.
He was arrested for disturbing the peace, and his case was heard by Judge Grady Harris. Finding him guilty, Judge Harris handed down a sentence that was a little out of the ordinary. He ordered the rap-loving Darnell to wear a t-shirt proclaiming his allegiance to dewy-eyed boy-child Justin Bieber, the teen pop sensation whose singing melts the Underoos of 12-year-old girls the world over. Darnell has to wear the shirt for two weeks or until he’s beaten to death by his “homeboys,” whichever comes last.
Judge Harris has often brought a smile to Chrislip lips with his offbeat sentences. Such as the time he sentenced a murderer to write KILLING IS FOR NERDS! one hundred times. Or when he waterboarded an elementary schooler who shoplifted a box of Milk Duds.