Black Man Sentenced to Two Weeks of Justin Bieber

Like a lot of twentysomethings, Darnell Colby likes to spend summer evenings cruising the streets in his Volare and playing his be-bop music loud. Chrislipians are normally quite tolerant of such behavior, but Darnell pushed the envelope a little too far one Saturday night last month, cruising and blasting his hippity-hop at 9 PM when decent people were trying to sleep.

He was arrested for disturbing the peace, and his case was heard by Judge Grady Harris. Finding him guilty, Judge Harris handed down a sentence that was a little out of the ordinary. He ordered the rap-loving Darnell to wear a t-shirt proclaiming his allegiance to dewy-eyed boy-child Justin Bieber, the teen pop sensation whose singing melts the Underoos of 12-year-old girls the world over. Darnell has to wear the shirt for two weeks or until he’s beaten to death by his “homeboys,” whichever comes last.

Darnell Colby

Judge Harris has often brought a smile to Chrislip lips with his offbeat sentences. Such as the time he sentenced a murderer to write KILLING IS FOR NERDS! one hundred times. Or when he waterboarded an elementary schooler who shoplifted a box of Milk Duds.

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  1. Ouch! That’s truly a harsh sentence! On the other hand, 9pm certainly is the tim of the devil! 😉

    • chrislipjournal
    • June 13th, 2010

    It is! I mean, at 9 PM it’s almost, you know… dark!

    • Exactly. It is after the 8pm news when no decent citizen should be out and about!

  2. The Judge has such limited choices now that Hanson doesn;t look like little girls anymore.

      • chrislipjournal
      • June 15th, 2010

      Really. We need more girly boys. Maybe if more of them adopted the David Cassidy shag, circa 1970.

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