Chrislip Loves the Smell of Smut in the Morning

“What’s that smell?” is one of the most common questions asked by visitors to Chrislip. In the past, the answer has always been either the slaugterhouse, the nursing home, or whatever’s on fire that day. But now there’s a new answer: the scent of lust.

A recent story in the national papers told of a grocery store in North Carolina that’s advertising by way of a “scented billboard.” The sign emits the aroma of grilled steak and fans it toward the highway to entice motorists. Now a local store is trying the same idea.

The Smut Hut adult shop, Chrislip’s number one hut for smut, has erected a billboard on the road into town from which can be detected the sweet odors of pornography.

Smut Hut owner Abe Wasserstein hired his 58-year-old accountant Elliot Nussman and his wife Edna, 56, to produce the smells. An attic above the Hut has been converted into a bedroom, and it’s in this love nest that Elliot and Edna exercise daily their sweaty and frantic conjugals. The air in the room is then piped, through a series of channels and baffles, out of the Hut, down the street, and out through a vent on the billboard.

Elliot and Edna take a smoke break before composing another mattress sonata

“I couldn’t be happier with the smells these two are producing,” says Smut Hut owner Abe Wasserstein. “They’re both large people, so each one produces a skin-acre of winning musk on their own. Put them together, and the aroma of their combined nectars is right off the scale.”

Wasserstein hopes that the jaunty scent of the Nussmans will ride the summer breeze and draw customers to the Smut Hut just like those pheromone traps that entice love-starved gypsy moths to their deaths. He hastens to add that he has no current plans to kill his customers.

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  1. If Elliot and Edna every take a vacation you might substite some buckets of boiled shrimp being peeled. Our most amusing smell is the Baytown section of Houston. I swear, someday someone will step outside, light up a smoke and the whole thing will go up!

  2. *blort*
    *gag*

    Oh, fellas. It don’t get more wrong than this.

    • chrislipjournal
    • June 8th, 2010

    We couldn’t agree more, Dolly. But we don’t write ’em, we just report ’em. 😦

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