Chrislip Gets Gay!

With the nation facing two prolonged wars, terrorist threats, record unemployment, economic ruin, and environmental disaster, President Obama swung into action and proclaimed June to be National Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month.

Chrislip has come a long way in its attitude toward gays. Gone are the days we used to chase people like that and hit them with sticks. Gone too are the derogatory names they were called. Names like fag, queer, homo, fairy, ass bandit, pants pilot, pole smoker, fudge packer, bum puncher, carpet muncher, trouser jockey, and poodle boy. Now they are known simply as “those people.”

Jeffrey Roland hopes to get the message across that gay people are just like everyone else

At long last we appreciate the diversity they bring to our community. They’ve given us very tight pants for men and Stephen Sondheim community theater productions. They’ve raised our moisturizer-consciousness. And they’ve contributed such well-known expressions as “I am so not going there,” “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” and “Oh God yes, just like that, Barry.” In the case of the transgenders, “That won’t grow back, will it?” has also become very popular.

Many local merchants are planning to celebrate Gay Week in their own ways, most of which can’t be printed in a family paper. One of the less offensive is Mr. Rolf’s House of Hair, which is offering “Rachel” hairdos at half-price. These are not to be confused with the Rachel ‘do of the ’90s, when millions of women had their hair styled like the Rachel character on Friends. This ‘do pays tribute to the man-cut of MSNBC’s estrogen-depleted commentator Rachel Maddow.

Chrislip's Amanda Farber models her “Rachel”

Chrislip salutes its gay citizens, and we wait with excited trepidation to hear what President Obama says we have to be proud of next month.

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  1. Kind of makes me want to go out and pick out some material for new curtains. Are they packing that fudge for the north Michigan tourist? “Stop that…you’ll go blind!” Reply: “I’ll only do it till I need glasses.”

      • chrislipjournal
      • June 1st, 2010

      We’re already wearing glasses, contacts, AND bifocals, Jerry.

  2. Chrislip may be more open minded toward gay men, but sexism still runs rampant, I see: you left off dyke, butch, box fairy, twat bandit, tuna helper…

      • chrislipjournal
      • June 1st, 2010

      It’s like planning the invitation list for a wedding, Dolly. You gotta make the cut-off point *somewhere*. Though I’m a little sorry we left out tuna helper. 😉

    • Hang on, I gotta get a pencil and write these down!

  1. June 6th, 2010

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