Craigslist Kills Again is the Ted Bundy of web sites.  Over the past few years, hundreds of local newspapers have shut down due to declining classifieds revenue.  The Chrislip Record-Leader is the most recent example.  Where will Chrislip’s considerable computer illiterate population turn to sell their folk art gourds painted to look like penguins and swans?  How will waitresses sell their slightly-used wedding dresses now that their husbands have left them?

Like many small towns, Chrislip was once home to two thriving newspapers.  Ten years ago, with both publications on the verge of bankruptcy, the Journal embraced the Internet.  The fact that we are writing our competitor’s obituary points to the correctness of our decision.

You didn't need to be human to know that the Journal was the better newspaper

The Record-Leader did not, and was soon sold to local conservative William P. Gordon, Chrislip College’s Political Science professor.  He immediately turned a serious newsroom into the National Enquirer’s impersonation of the Drudge Report.  Soon thereafter, every birth of a two-headed calf was blamed on President Obama’s healthcare legislation.  (Ironically, two-headed calves are the one thing not addressed in the 2,700 page bill.)  When a young boy was reprimanded for bringing his dad’s gun to school, this was evidence of a creeping liberal agenda poisoning our children.  Supporting this hate-filled screed were local classified ads, which had become the only reason to buy what had become a tabloid rag.  Craigslist put an end to that.

Missing the Record-Leader most of all will be 83-year old retiree Betty Kessler, who used the publication to supplement her food stamps.  She was rushed to St. Luke’s Hospital last week with an intestinal blockage.  After viewing her x-rays, her doctors asked her if she was eating her newspaper.  “Not all of it,” admitted Ms. Kessler.  “I need Tabasco to stomach Mr. Gordon’s columns.  Stories with color pictures go best with maple syrup.  But the rest is kitty litter.  I just never developed a taste for black ink.”

Because of Craig Newmark, Betty will have to begin eating unfamiliar foods.

To you, Ms. Kessler, we offer a bottle of ketchup and a free one-month subscription to Chrislip’s remaining newspaper, The Journal.  Bon appétit.

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  1. Spot on with the Bundy List. One of our locals in Denton was contacted about a $4.000 bass boat and the guy goes into a big fit about being too much. And to get even with the seller, the jerkass puts all the seller contact info on the “I’ll do anything” nancy boy section. The cops are trying to determine if a crime has been commited.

      • chrislipjournal
      • May 28th, 2010

      Wow. It’s always amazing to find out that someone is using the internet for evil purposes instead of for the betterment of mankind, like us. 😉

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