The Coming Race War between Irish-Americans and Italian-Americans

An Editorial by Mick Williams

Professor Mick Williams teaches in the Humanities Department at Chrislip College. He is not, as he insists, the moral compass of a racist nation.

Other stories featuring Mick Williams:

Recently Arizona passed legislation that, I believe, reverses decades of progress on race relations in America.

First of all, it is simply racist to describe Mexicans who are in the country illegally as “illegal aliens.”  These noble souls are the modern-day equivalent of slaves.  True, unlike African-American slaves from the past, these Mexicans entered this country voluntarily.  And it’s true that they’re paid for their work and are free to leave any time they want.  Other than that, there’s no difference between these two oppressed groups.

Although I and members of the Obama administration continue to protest the bill by refusing to read it, the law clearly subjects members of the Latino community to selective prosecution.  An Acorn lawyer who reportedly skimmed the text of the law, told a member of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Alliance, who told a Greenpeace activist, who told a Chrislip student protesting the presence of bottled water on our campus, who told me.  Since all of these people normally say things that I agree with, they must be telling the truth.  Who else are you going to believe, a right-wing propaganda outfit like Fox News?

For instance, I’m told that a clause on page five authorizes you, as an Arizona police officer, to round up illegal aliens from Home Depot parking lots and compel them to remodel your basement into a “man-pad” where you and your racist friends can drink beer and shout insults at the minority athletes on your 60 inch LCD television.

You disgust me

Imagine what would happen if this policy were adopted here in Chrislip. Imagine if Sheriff Clint Kennedy, who is Irish, pulls over Carla Cattaneo, an Italian who has lost her license, on a routine traffic stop.  What’s to stop the paddy from sending the wop back to the old country?  The result might well be a race war between Irish-Americans and Italian-Americans.

There seems to me only one reasonable solution.  Arizona should create a separate police force for each demographic group so that no one is treated unfairly.  If a person is of mixed heritage, jurisdiction would lie with the officer with the darkest skin.  Only when we are policed separately will we truly be equal.

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  1. Very awesome post. I’m not sure how you managed to keep the crazy and still make a point on this topic, I’m not sure. But yes. Sentences like this might have something to do with it…
    An Acorn lawyer who reportedly skimmed the text of the law, told a member of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Alliance, who told a Greenpeace activist, who told a Chrislip student protesting the presence of bottled water on our campus, who told me.
    🙂

    • I’ll second that!

        • chrislipjournal
        • May 28th, 2010

        It’s the ol’ he-said, she-said, they-said, he-told-me-and-I-believe-it trick. 🙂

  2. The Irish will just want to fight all the time while the Italians will just talk endlessly about the size of their members. On the enforcement side, we got some guy named Kwame hiding out in Colleyville down the street from me. Would you tell a policeman.

    • chrislipjournal
    • May 28th, 2010

    We will if we can find one of the proper ethno-sociological background, Jerry…

  3. Good work, people. Kill this nonsense with humour, that’s what I say.

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