Local Woman Groped by Ghost

Chrislip made its cable debut last Friday night when Zak Bagans and Aaron Goodwin, stars of the Travel Channel’s Ghost Adventures, trekked to Northern Michigan to solve a mystery better suited for Cinemax.  The pseudo-celebrities were summoned by Bethany Stephenson after a disturbing experience at the Chrislip Inn.  The realtor was preparing the recently foreclosed property for an open house when she felt the ghostly presence of town founder Otto von Chrislip inside her bra.

The third Ghost Adventurer, Nick Groff, didn’t make the trip.  “Nick has issues with his masculinity,” said Zak.  “He was afraid he’d go gay after being fondled by some horny dead dude.  It’d be different if this was Marilyn Monroe’s ghost.  He’d have been up for that.”

After the Chrislip Inn was converted to a bed-and-breakfast decades ago, visitors have complained of odd noises and the feeling that they were being watched.  “It was a good experience for couples who like the idea of exhibitionism, but are afraid to be caught,” said Ms. Stephenson.  “At least you know that someone who died fifty years ago isn’t going to publish nude photos of your wife on the internet.”

Ghost Adventurers Zak and Aaron point to the ectoplasm on Bethany Stephenson’s breasts

The Ghost Adventurers used Otto’s interest in the female anatomy to trap his spirit.  “Zak keeps a copy of Busty Nurses 7 just for this type of haunting,” explained Aaron.  “We played the movie on a portable DVD player to get the ghost’s attention and then just backed up with it into our van. Otto followed us all the way just like we’d planned.”

With another case solved, the duo drove back to the Travel Channel’s studios, where Otto has taken up residence in colleague Samantha Brown’s dressing room.  “Don’t worry, the situation is under control,” said Aaron to the terrified travel host.  “Zak keeps a copy of Titmania 3 just for these types of situations.”

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  1. It’s easy to see why the spirit got aroused as Bethany is quite fetching and we all know that being dead is only a minor inconveniece for dirty old men. On the other had, she could have been watching a DVD of one of those chick-fliks like Sperms of Endearment!

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