ER Reports Record Number of Private Parts Caught in Vacuum Cleaners
The women of Chrislip now have restroom equality. Can the vote be far behind?
It’s long been a bone of contention that the men’s bathrooms at the Chrislip Civic Center outnumber the women’s by an almost two-to-one margin. Yesterday the situation was remedied when the additional ladies’ rooms officially opened for business.
Lobbying had been going on for months, but what finally brought about results was a “Declaraton of Non-Affection” that the women of Chrislip put into effect. Until they got their bathrooms, they pledged not to let their husbands express their love physically.
In a completely unrelated turn of events, the local ER reports that a record number of men were admitted with their private parts caught in vacuum cleaners. There are normally only half a dozen cases each year, but during Declaration of Non-Affection week, there were twice that many.
Each patient reported that they were coming out of the shower when they accidentally tripped over the vacuum cleaner in the hallway, accidentally turned it on, and accidentally had their penises sucked into the nozzle. Similar incidents happened with Big Gulp Pepsi bottles and a prostitute named Mavis. How Mavis came to be laying naked in the hallway isn’t clear.