Amputee Sues “Stupid Mouse” Over Taco
The war between Chrislip Taco and Stupid Mouse Tacos is over. Owner Jose Acevedo, who previously wrestled in Mexico as “Ratón Estúpido”, or “Stupid Mouse”, was forced to close his namesake restaurant last week, the victim of an overzealous promotional campaign. Acevedo has already resumed his wrestling career back in Guadalajara, where the Stupid Mouse’s speed is said to “make coffee nervous.”
In response to the recent economic slowdown, Acevedo adopted a policy inspired by San Francisco’s Casa Sanchez. Any customer with a tattoo of the company’s logo could eat for free once a day. Whereas Casa Sanchez was smart enough to limit the number of tattooed customers, Stupid Mouse was not.
“Who knew so many gringo girls would want my face on their ass?” Acevedo lamented at the irony of one dream killing another.
First in line for the promotion was Marine Sergeant Tammy Frey. Shortly after receiving her Stupid Mouse tattoo, her unit shipped off to Afghanistan. The food at Camp Leatherneck was so bad that Frey dreamed of the Mexican bounty awaiting her in Chrislip. Unfortunately, a roadside bomb shattered her leg and surgeons were unable to save the tattoo. Still, Sgt. Frey assumed that Stupid Mouse would honor the agreement as a way of rewarding her sacrifice to her country. She had no idea of the trouble the tattoo was causing back home.
“No tattoo, no taco,” shouted a desperate Acevedo, who also began disqualifying tattoos misshapen by their wearer’s overconsumption of tacos. Frey sued the shop, which soon closed its doors.
As it turns out, Chrislip Taco was handing out temporary tattoos at homeless shelters throughout town as a way to drive their competitor out of business. Chrislip has once again become a one-taco town. As part of Chrislip Taco’s “Amputees Eat Free” policy, the sergeant has become the establishment’s official spokesperson. “Terrorists may have taken my leg,” said Frey in a recent commercial, “but they’ll have to pry my Chrislip Taco from my cold, dead hand.”