Steve Google Creates New Search Engine in Chrislip

Steve Google returned to the family business after his ballet career ended

Hello, my name is Steve Google.  Before you ask: Yes, my cousin is Larry Google, founder of the famous search engine.

It’s not easy being a Google. I’ve tried to branch out and do other things, but I’ve effectively been pigeonholed. I’m like a seven foot black man who’s expected to play basketball. He may have other talents, but the world doesn’t care about those. It only wants to see slam dunks. And all it wants to give in return is millions of dollars and slavish admiration.

When I arrived at Chrislip College, the second question people asked me, after the “are you related to Larry” bit, was “why didn’t you create your own search engine?”  They assume that search can be in a person’s DNA.  For this Google, an accounting major, nothing could be further from the truth.  I wasn’t much for people and their damn questions.  I don’t care for mapping the world or if you get to your destination.  I preferred counting things.

However, the thing that I prefer counting most of all is money.  There’s the rub.  After a semester spent working at Burger King, I decided to stop running from my heritage. I embraced my family name, reached down and took hold of my Google, and changed my major to computer science. For my term project, I created my own search engine.  Initially, I was stumped.  Then Burger King hired a Chrislip High sophomore named Buddy Fenster.  Like my cousin Larry, Buddy has a knack for answering questions.  So I changed the search algorithm to reroute queries to Buddy’s cell phone.  The process is slow–most search engines answer queries in milliseconds–but people seemed OK with Buddy answering their questions when he gets tired of trying to hit seagulls with stale chicken nuggets by the dumpster behind Burger King.

Buddy Fenster (right) will answer your query just as soon as his assistant manager (left) stops riding his ass

Ready or not, “Ask Buddy” is going live.  Unlike my cousin Larry, I’ve omitted the “beta” label.  You’ll notice that everything that Google does is “beta,” which is Larry’s way of saying “don’t sue me if this unfinished product causes you to park in a Burger King lobby.”  With nothing to lose, Buddy and I are unafraid of lawsuits.  So enter your question in the search box below.  Don’t be shy, no question is too embarrassing for Buddy to answer eventually and incorrectly.

Click below to send Buddy a question:

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  1. I am actually tempted but I’m afraid I’m too impatient for Buddy. Shall have to stick with Larry and his world-dominating-ways then. Damn.

    P.S.: My therapist – found one myself – asks to whom she may address the bill for curing me of the ballet-picture-trauma? 😉

    • chrislipjournal
    • May 8th, 2010

    *sigh* Some people have no appreciation for the arts. He’s dancing Swine Lake, you know. 🙂


  2. Hey Rob, sorry I’m so ignorsnt. I shiuld probaly really call Buddy, huh?


      • chrislipjournal
      • May 8th, 2010

      Well… to be honest, nobody’s ever reported being LESS ignorant after talking to Buddy.

      • But maybe better in typing? I could apparently need that. Jesus.

  3. I’m going to Ask Larry some tough question like will the Lions ever win another game? Don’t like to google people, fear my name will go on a list.

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