Man Bites Off Own Finger in Sparerib Feeding Frenzy

Paramedics were called to the Ribs Ahoy rib joint on Four Mile last Road Friday evening when a diner accidentally bit off one of his own fingers while devouring a platter of spareribs.

Howard Darnell, 38, of Chrislip, is reported in good condition at Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrows Hospital.

The accident happened during the restaurant’s all-you-can-eat night, the “Friday Feeding Frenzy.”  Ribs Ahoy owner Bess Lampley says that disfiguring injuries are quite common.

“People wait all week to get bulk food on the cheap,” she says.  “By Friday night they’re ravenous.  They get into the zone and aren’t really aware of anything except that next mouthful.  Imagine great white sharks in John Deere caps and flannel shirts.”

This is the second finger Howard Darnell has lost at Ribs Ahoy.  Doctors wanted to reattach it, but he declined, saying he’d “just bite it off again next week anyway.”

Biting off a finger has become something of a badge of honor at the establishment.  They offer no financial compensation for catastrophic injuries, but they do have a neat t-shirt.

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  1. Huh. Now I’m wondering… Because in Mannheim journey, where I work but not live, there is right now the Maimarkt (May market) which is apparently a big, organised feeding frenzy. I shall have to check the people getting back on the train for missing fingers…

  2. I imagine this happens quite frequently among the Chrislip debate team in particular.

  3. This takes me back to the very first National Lampoon purchased many moons ago. The Weekly Reader insert headlines ‘Boy trapped in refrigerator eats own foot to stay alive!’ The responding Sheriff quiped “Timmy will grow many more inches in life” but added “he’ll never grow another foot”.

    • Best comment ever! I almost loled myself of the ouch! Only thing I’m wondering – wasn’t there anything else in the fridge or did he just feel the urge?

  4. Thanx TT! NL was hilarious back in the days of Kenny, Chris Miller and P.J. O’Rourke. A lot less funny were the old “lock handle” refridges. When they were discarded, kids would get trapped, and sadly, snuffed in them.

  5. See, we here in Germany are a lots more kids-friendly – our fridges are simply not big enough to crawl into them. ;D

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