Lesbians Unite in Civil Ceremony; Frat Boys Bring Beer and Make a Day of it
Like many college-age men, the fellows of the Chrislip College chapter of Phi-Beta-Beta eat, sleep and breathe lesbians. It’s the topic of many of their conversations, and much of their frat house entertainment consists of movies in which women strenuously befriend other women. Until recently, though, the boys’ knowledge of the subject came only from movies and books. None of them had ever seen free-range lesbians.
When they read that there was to be a civil ceremony here in Chrislip to unite a lesbian couple, cries of “Woooooo, wooooo!” could be heard from one end of campus to the other.
“We knew we had to be there,” says Dave Schuster (below), who painted his face orange and white, lesbianism’s official colors, and bought a keg of beer, the official beer of lesbianism. He wore a shirt with the number “2.4,” the blood-alcohol level to which he aspired.
Dave can’t remember anything of the actual ceremony, but was assured by his housemates that he had a real wowzer of a time. The highlight was when the couple said “I do,” and the frat boys responded with an en masse “WE BET YOU DO!”, followed, of course, by the requisite “WOOOOOOOOO!”
If there was a damper on the day, it’s that the the real life lesbians weren’t quite as attractive as the ones the boys are used to seeing in the movies. In fact, the term “butt-ugly” was required by law to be included in their wedding vows. But the boys aren’t complaining. They plan to attend more weddings in the event that other lesbians form in Chrislip, if they can find their car keys, which they left in their car, which they also can’t find.
Schuster is especially pleased that he got to shake hands with one of the ladies. Which one?
“I think it was her right one,” he says.
No, which lady?
“Oh, the hot one!”
More proof that he reached that blood-alcohol level he was shooting for.