Sexy at 6:30?: Teen Girls to Anchor FOX News

Krista and Laurel prepare for the evening newscast

Chrislip’s Lester Berg is one of the most trusted, longest-serving anchormen in all of northern Michigan.  When he announced his retirement from Channel 6, it was assumed that the station would hire another veteran to take his place.  But the station became a FOX affiliate last year, and new program director Lee Olmstead has decided to take the evening news in a different direction.

“We thought we’d go for a younger, hipper vibe,” explains Olmstead.  “We want to aim for a younger demographic without compromising our journalistic integrity.”

The station has hired Laurel Wood and Krista Hunter as co-anchorwomen.  This is their first on-air job, and they know they have big shoes to fill.

“Lester Berg was the anchorman for twenty years,” says Krista, “so we weren’t even born when he started out.  But what we lack in experience, we’ll try to make up for by making the news a little more fun.  Like if I mispronounce a word, Laurel has to kiss me!”

The co-anchors deny the charge that they were hired more for their sex appeal than for their news experience, a charge often levelled against FOX news in general.

“Totally bogus!” yelps Krista.

“Bogus-malogus!” clarifies Laurel.

“Bogus-malogus… but don’tcha dare poke us!” shouts Krista, and the two dissolve in girlish giggles.

Director Olmstead defends the hiring.  “I’ve been with FOX a long time.  I’ve visited the FOX national headquarters on many occasions.  Krista and Laurel don’t look any different than me or anyone else prowling the hallways of that organization.  But if one or two viewers find them sexy, by some stretch of the imagination, then so be it.”

FOX News Director Lee Olmstead

Olmstead says that the format of the evening news will not change, with one exception.  The last five minutes of the newscast, which were formerly set aside to find adoptive homes for handicapped orphans, will now be devoted to Bikini Twister.

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  1. Those two will certainly “pull” the older demographic. And who better to interview the Princess from Wassila on her level, that is, if they’re mean and vindictive girls. But keep them away from the spazBeck kest he lose the power of his magic panties.

    • chrislipjournal
    • April 15th, 2010

    Jerry, you really must stop leaving comments when you’re sober. 🙂

  2. Shouldn’t have drunk all those suds so fast back when. If I take up drinking again, I’m going to hook up with my favorite brother-in-law in Saginaw and go out in the woods and search for the elusive Abominible Nuge. Can you point us in the right direction?

    • chrislipjournal
    • April 16th, 2010

    From Texas? Yup, go north. 🙂

  1. April 25th, 2010

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