Never Fear, the Senile Avenger is Here!
The comic book collector is an aging demographic. The creepy guy who sat in the back of the class reading comics will be retiring in another ten years. Instead of living in his parents’ basement, he’s now inherited the home and moved upstairs. The day after the funeral, out went dad’s wet bar and golf clubs in favor of a Han Solo carbonate coffee table, DVDs of every episode of Star Trek that you never wanted to see (including the Scott Bakula ones), and life-size Uhura sex doll.
Sensing an opportunity to age gracefully along with its best customers, Marvel Comics introduced the first elderly super hero: the Senile Avenger. “I’m not competing with Batman and Superman anymore,” said Spiderman creator Stan Lee. “This new character is our attempt to recover the audience we’ve lost to Fox News. So, in the initial story, the Senile Avenger blinds arch-rival Olber-Man – the secret identity of MSNBC’s liberal commentator Keith Olbermann – with clouds of Ben-Gay fumes.”
Alter-ego Tory Bick first gained his superpowers when his body accidentally absorbed a platinum wedding ring during a routine prostate exam. And now the Senile Avenger and his sidekick, a male nurse who wields an oxygen tank, fight crime and President Obama’s liberal agenda. at least when the weather isn’t so damp that it makes the hero’s arthritic hip stiff.
The new superhero has been such a success that Hollywood is abuzz with speculation about who will play the Senile Avenger in the movie. Now that it’s official that Spiderman 4 will include a new actor in the title role, Toby Mcguire has expressed interest. “I’m looking forward to wearing the Senile Avenger’s dentures in the upcoming film. I’ve already been practicing using a walker and eating pre-chewed food.”