Fire Claims Local Man’s Pornography Collection

Bill Burdette is comforted by his sister as the enormity of his loss sinks in

He remembers well his first dirty magazine.

“It was a copy of Swank,” Bill Burdette recalls fondly.  “The year was 1976, and I was twelve years old.  I stole it from my best friend’s older brother.”

Thus began a love affair that would stand the test of time.  Burdette went on to amass the biggest pornography collection in Chrislip, comprising thousands of magazines, hundreds of videotapes, four DVDs, and one of those Viewmaster deals.

But nothing is forever, and when a grease fire swept through his garage last week, Camelot came to an end.

The garage was fully engulfed when firefighters arrived on the scene.  Burdette was on his knees in the driveway, crying out to the heavens:  “Not Plumpers!  Not Bone Appetit!  Not Feel & Scream!”

But they were gone.  All gone.

Burdette is hard-pressed to put a monetary figure on his loss.  “It’s like asking how much one of your children is worth,” he says.  “Probably about $20,000.”

By nature an optimistic and deeply religious man, he is confident he can build again.  “I’ve never owned a computer, so maybe it’s time I joined the digital age.  Though I don’t know if there’s any pornography on the Internet.”

No matter what the future brings, Burdette will keep one wistful eye on the past.  “I’d give my right arm to have my collection back,” he says.  He later phoned the Journal to ask that we change that to “left arm.”

  1. We should take up a collection for poor Bill.

      • chrislipjournal
      • April 5th, 2010

      We’re organizing a community porno-thon. 🙂


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