Local News: Genital Crack Lands Woman In Jail

Genital Crack Lands Woman In Jail

It seemed like harmless fun when Steve and Marsha Voltz signed up as contestants on The Newlywed Game.  Now their appearance on the marginally popular GSN show has resulted in Chrislip’s first murder in nearly eight weeks.

Steve and Marsha Voltz before she killed him

The trouble began when host Carnie Wilson asked the question:  “Gentlemen, fill in the blank.  ‘I love my wife, but her [blank] is just too big’.”  Marsha predicted that Steve would say “her collection of ceramic unicorns.”  She seemed taken aback when Steve turned over his card to reveal that he’d written “her genitals.”

Since arriving back in Chrislip, Marsha has been the object of much teasing and wise comments from her fellow townsfolk.  Although the show revealed funny secrets about her cooking and housekeeping skills, most of the jokes, for some reason, have been directed at her private parts.

Last Saturday, Marsha took her revenge against the man who let the cat out of the bag.  Police say that she climbed into her Honda Civic and ran over Steve multiple times in their driveway.  Neighbors called 911, but Steve was dead by the time paramedics arrived.

Marsha claimed it was an accident.  Police, however, found a message on her sister’s voice-mail that seemed to indicate some measure of pre-meditation.  The message concluded with “Gotta go kill Steve now.  Love ya.  Buh-bye.”

Chrislip’s sheriff hopes the incident will serve as a learning experience for other women.  “They stressed this time and time again at the police academy.  If your down-belows look funny, you’ve got one problem.  If you kill somebody because of it… sister, you’ve got two problems.”

  1. One about the size of a catchers mitt is just about right.

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