Local News: First Lady Touches Local Man With Her Oomph

First Lady Touches Local Man With Her Oomph

Since taking office last year, the aura of Michelle Obama has infiltrated every town in America, no matter how backward or unsophisticated, and Chrislip is no exception.  And her sassy fashion sense has influenced every woman, rich or poor, black or white, male or female.

Michelle Obama with unidentified date

Chuck Snell

Our local Michelle-ophile is Chuck Snell.  Chuck has two goals.  His first is to look as much like the First Lady as possible.  “I’m not quite there yet,” he says, “but I feel like I’m close.  For the first time in my adult life, I’m truly proud of my hairdresser.”

His second goal is to teach the public about transvestitism.  “People used to assume that we were all gay,” he explains.  “Then the idea began to slowly catch on that most transvestites are, in fact, heterosexual, and that dressing in women’s clothes is merely a fetish, rather than a reflection of our sexual preference.”

It’s a perception he’s eager to shake.  “Of course  we’re gay,” he says with a winsome laugh.  “We dress like women because we want to be  women.  If Richard Simmons and Perez Hilton somehow conceived a love child, even he  wouldn’t be as queer as we are.  I mean, look at me.  I’m prancing around in lipstick and my mother’s underpants.  Do I have to draw you a frickin’ picture?”

Ultimately, Chuck hopes to be an educational tool for the transvestite community.  “When people see me walking down the street in my full First Lady regalia, I don’t want them to say, ‘There goes a guy in women’s clothes’,” he says.  “I want them to say, ‘There goes a real tool’.”

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