College News: HELLOOOO, RASTUS!
No one at Chrislip College toots the bugle of diversity louder or more shrilly than Mick Williams. The sociology prof has long made it his goal to ensure that students of color find our school a friendly, comfortable environment in which to live and grow.
Toward that end, Williams has created something he calls the Racial Awareness and Sensitivity Test for Upholding Standards (RASTUS). The test is a series of multiple choice questions that Williams proposes be given to white applicants seeking teaching positions at our school. The purpose is to make sure that they have acceptable views on racial matters.
RASTUS has been submitted to the College Board of Regents, and they’ll vote on whether to implement it. A copy of the test has been obtained by the Journal:
Racial Awareness and Sensitivity Test for Upholding Standards (R.A.S.T.U.S.)
1. In my opinion, the reason minority students score lower on tests is:
a) poor study habits
b) the tendency of some ethnic groups to undervalue education
2. Minority students tend to sit with others of their own race in the cafeteria. I believe this is the fault of:
a) the students themselves, who are often reluctant to intermingle
b) no one; it’s only natural that students gravitate toward others who share their cultural and social background
c) Ronald Reagan
3. When I hear minority students using black slang or “ghetto talk,” my first thought is:
a) it sounds dumb
b) I understand the roots of that dialect, but encouraging young people to speak that way will make it hard for them to compete in an adult world where the majority of people speak proper English
c) if Shakespeare were alive, that’s how he would talk
4. If an African-American student physically attacked me in class, I would
a) retaliate physically
b) leave the classroom and notify campus security
c) humbly take my beating. Because have you seen Roots? What the student is doing to me is nothing compared to what I did to the slaves 200 years ago
5. In my heart I feel that I am:
a) not racist at all
b) not racist per se, but my experience as a white educator may have not prepared me to deal with students of different ethnicities
c) a racist
KEY: The correct answer to all questions is C. If an applicant answers C to every question, it shows he is a racist, but that he’s aware of his racism. With the right amount of counseling and re-education, he might be suitable as a teacher at Chrislip. Any combination of A or B responses show that the applicant is either a racist in denial or an advocate of personal responsibility (i.e., a racist in denial). People of this ilk have no place here.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If an applicant repeats “C” over and over, there’s a strong chance that he’s saying “Si,” the Spanish word for yes. This means he has little or no knowledge of English, and should be hired immediately after a cursory background check. The diversity he offers will be invaluable. While he may not be able to share this with our students in English, he can communicate through the universal language of brotherhood.
If you suspect the applicant is an illegal immigrant, the background check should be waived. Our so-called “immigration laws” have already made him feel victimized, and we don’t want to add to his stress. His past is his own business, and our obligation is to put him on our staff and give him a shot at our children.