Local News: Chrislip Baby’s Name is “Undecided”
Chrislip Baby’s Name is “Undecided”
Breaking the trend of the past two years, the first boy born in 2010 in Chrislip was not named Barack. Linda Allen gave birth to a 7 pound 7 ounce baby boy just three minutes into the New Year. The child remains unnamed, but is otherwise in good health.
The tentatively proud mother considered naming her baby after the president, but then she read the latest Gallup Poll, which indicates that more than 50% of Americans don’t like him anymore.
“I don’t want the other kids at daycare thinking that my child is weak on terrorism,” she explained. She cited Chrislip’s first Barack, age 2, who was shunned by other daycare kids because they perceived that his future wife won’t be proud of her country.
The change in opinion toward the new President has been stunning, not just in St. Jude Hospital’s maternity ward, but throughout the country. Unsurprised, however, was local conservative William P. Gordon, Chrislip College’s Political Science professor.
“I sat in this hospital a year ago and begged an expectant mother not to name her child after a fraudulent president whose middle name is Hussein,” railed Gordon, who is presently outraged over the current state of everything. “Why not give him an all-American name like Dick Cheney? Naming a child ‘Barack’ is practically begging the other kids to make fun of him. No one ever got teased for being ‘Dick’.”
“Right now, his name is Undecided Independent Allen,” said Linda Allen of her new little bundle of none-of-the-above. “I told Professor Gordon that I want to wait until next November to see if the Democrats lose control of Congress like he says they will. If it ends in a tie, I’ll just name the baby ‘Nader’.”