Local News: Downstate Couple Stranded in Chrislip After GPS Leads Them Astray

Downstate Couple Stranded in Chrislip After GPS Leads Them Astray

Seeking to spend the holidays in a more rural setting, Phillip and Marjorie Dugan, retired schoolteachers from Livonia, loaded up their Buick LeSabre and headed north, away from the grime and crime of the big city.  “After Al Qaeda tried to blow up a plane with its underwear, we just had to get away from Detroit,” explained Mrs. Dugan.  “The beauty of Northern Michigan is that there’s nothing valuable enough to blow up.”

So, north they went toward their peaceful nowhere… until their GPS became confused by Chrislip’s winding maze of woodland trails, which, on a map, look deceptively like paved roads.  “The wife warned me not to get the GPS that used Bob Dylan’s voice.  But I’m such a big fan, I couldn’t help myself,” admitted Mr. Dugan.  “Bob kept making this nasally ‘ree ree’ sound, which I mistook for ‘right, right.’  So I kept turning.  In retrospect, his directions sounded more like a broken police siren with its leg caught in a barbed wire fence.”

At that point, with the Dugans stuck in a snowdrift in the woods outside of Chrislip and unable to get a signal on their cellphones, their GPS suffered a nervous breakdown.  “I’d type in ‘Traverse City’ as my destination,” said Mr. Dugan, “and Bob would say ‘Yesterday’s just a memory, tomorrow is never what it’s supposed to be,’ which is deep and cool, but not very useful when you’re lost.” 

This is what happens when you let the James Dean voice navigate.

The couple was getting nowhere until Marjorie flipped a switch on the GPS from “Bob Dylan” to “Kanye West.”  Said Marjorie, “a belligerent, but helpful voice told me that ‘George Bush doesn’t like lost people.  Whitey, turn your m—–f—ing car around, go left on route 72, get your ass back to civilization and tell Taylor Swift to give the AMA award to Beyonce!'”

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