College News: Man Sits On Toilet and Refuses To Go

Man Sits On Toilet and Refuses To Go

In an episode reminiscent of the days when Chrislip College was a hotbed of political protest, janitor Henry Bennett has ensconced himself upon a toilet in the student union and is vowing to remain until his demands are met.

It is not yet known what Mr. Bennett is demanding. Reporters were sent to interview him, but shortly after their arrival he pooped and they fled the premises. The janitor had a long history of mental instability. At different times he has claimed to be the Chairman of General Motors, the King of Atlantis, and Lady Gaga.

Henry Bennett models the one costume that Lady Gaga would never wear

It’s rumored that he is recording the experience of his latest bathroom debacle in a series of notebooks, and hopes to someday publish them under the collective title “The Logs of Henry Bennett.”

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