Sex Addicts Embrace Mayor’s Largesse
Dealing with addiction of any kind is never easy, but Chrislip’s sex addicts are getting a leg up. The town council has passed a bill that provides, at taxpayer expense, inflatable love dolls for those people who can’t confine their animal cravings to Friday nights after Monk like the rest of us.
Mayor Howard Presnell sponsored the bill, and defended the decision. “The government gives clean needles to heroin addicts, don’t they? Don’t they? Seriously, I’m asking. It seems like somebody told me they read that somewhere once.”
Male addicts made the acquaintance of Ramona 3.0, pictured here with Chrislip’s top-seeded deviate Jerome Smelf. Ramona 3.0 differs from Ramona 2.9 in that she is equipped with an extra row of suction cups and a Briggs & Stratton engine.
Smelf gave Ramona high marks. “You can use her and abuse her, and you don’t have to talk to her or buy her gifts or worry about hurting her feelings. It’s just like having a real woman!”
Female sex addicts will have to make do with something less sophisticated. The nearest thing the Council could find to a male love doll was Hank, an inflatable Shriner. Hank has appeared at conventions throughout the north, and will now appear in Jamie Lynde’s bedroom on a regular basis. Jamie is Chrislip’s only registered female sex addict. She said she would like to remain anonymous. This reporter would like to be the King of France.