National News: U.S. Pay Czar Targets Rich Children

U.S. Pay Czar Targets Rich Children

In an unprecedented move, Kenneth Feinberg, the U.S. Treasury Department’s special master for compensation, chose yesterday to limit the allowances of children of executives at AIG, Bank of America, Chrysler, Citigroup and General Motors.  Said the newly-appointed Pay Czar, “the American people would like to know what these children do to deserve to live in such opulence?  Wash dishes?  Take out the trash?  My kids do that and more for next to nothing.  Are my kids suckers?  I don’t think so.” 

Feinberg’s comments were made before a shocked Senate Finance Committee during a discussion of excessive stock options paid to executives of companies receiving federal aid under the government’s controversial TARP program.  Wearing torn jeans, t-shirt, and sandals, the Pay Czar appeared irritable and tired after months of sparring over compensation with America’s corporate leaders.  Feinberg suggested that, in lieu of cash compensation, employees’ children should receive what was referred to as “family stock” that grant long-term appreciation claims on parental income that can’t be touched for at least four years. 

The Senators politely listened to such nonsense until the Allowance Czar suggested that the money used for political contributions would be better spent on braces.  At that point Senator Barney Frank motioned for the bailiff to remove Feinberg from the room, saying, “Of course, little Jennifer Gates loves Bill more than Feinberg’s kids love him.  I’d fall in love, too, for that kind of coin.”


No one loves the Pay Czar

Journal reporter Michael Wright asked Chrislip College Psychology Professor Dr. Max Trask for comment on Feinberg’s proposal.  “In this country, our worth is measured by how much money we make.  Why should it be any different for our children?” asked Dr. Trask.  “It’s only natural that parental love be measured financially.  When a parent gives their kid two bucks in a 7-11, they’re saying, ‘I love you more than a Slurpee.’”

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