Local News: Statue Of Town Founder Unveiled
Statue Of Town Founder Unveiled
The project has been in the works for months, and yesterday it came to fruition when a statue of Otto Von Chrislip, the founder of our town, was unveiled in front of city hall.
A Hungarian outsider artist named Yari (pronounced “vooch!”) was commissioned to erect the statue at a cost to taxpayers of $60,000.
Journal reporter Anne-Marie Waterhouse spoke with the temperamental artist about his erection.
Waterhouse: Sir, your sculpture of Otto Von Chrislip has not been terribly well-received.
Yari: Insolent cow. Miss Anne-Marie Waterhouse, you have three names which are pronounced just as they’re spelled. I have one name which sounds nothing like it looks. Which of us do you think is better able to judge outsider art? Ignorant bitch.
Waterhouse: But you have to admit that your sculpture looks nothing like our town’s founder.
Yari: It looks nothing like your stinking founder, and in doing so, it looks exactly like him. Impertinent ewe.
Waterhouse: Come again?
Yari: Listen, you. No artist can ever create a work that’s a mirror image of the subject. It will always fall short. When townspeople look at my sculpture, they see it looks nothing like Mr. Chrislip. And in that moment, an image of him comes into their minds as a means of comparison. That image is clearer than any artist could create. Therefore when they look at my sculpture, they truly see Mr. Chrislip. Incontinent she-goat.
Waterhouse: Fair enough. But the town paid you 60,000 in Earth dollars for that sculpture. We could’ve put up monkeybars or a swing set with Chrislip’s name under it and had people picturing him in their heads for a fraction of the cost.
Yari: What is the term for a woman chicken, please?
Yari: Perceptive hen.