Local News: Jerry Lewis Scares People

Jerry Lewis Scares People

It’s been more than fifty years since Orson Welles panicked America with his War of the Worlds radio broadcast. Last Thursday, however, a group of Chrislip students received a similar scare in a practical joke gone awry.

It began in the student union building when a person or persons unknown commandeered the PA system and announced that Jerry Lewis had been selected as this year’s commencement speaker. It was reported that Lewis would lecture the grads on the importance of tactical career choices, then stick the microphone in his mouth and remark “Ya ya ya ya ya.”

Several students suffered minor injuries as they stampeded to Dean Marner’s office to protest the selection.

They were taken to Our Lady of Lost Souls Hospital, where they were given Band-Aids and told to go on home.

Dean Marner squelched the Lewis rumor. “Why would we choose a buffoon who talks in a silly voice,” he said, “when there’s a chance we can get someone like Bill Cosby?”

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