College News: Odorless Flower Invented!

Odorless Flower Invented!

Folks around campus haven’t seen much of Larry Hurley or Mark Shipperman lately. No, the two gifted genetics students haven’t become hermits. They’ve been busy in the lab, toiling away at an experiment they devised themselves. Now the work is done, and the result sits in a little clay pot in Shipperman’s dorm room.

It’s a flower. Not just any flower though. This flower is completely odorless.

How did they do it? “We cross-bred the hell out of it,” elucidated Shipperman, talking down to us. He claimed the invention would have many practical applications: odorless funeral bouquets, odorless prom corsages, and odorless victory wreaths to put around the necks of winning racehorses, to name a few.

“It was hard work, but it was worth it,” said Hurley. “Incidentally, I’d like to ask a question of any experienced geneticists who might be reading this. And please understand, this is purely hypothetical, okay? Let’s say two guys were working on a flower experiment, and they had a big pan of amino acids, DNA, and other primordial goo. Then let’s say they shot an electric current through it, and the pan began to rattle and shake and all of a sudden some sort of thingamabob came crawling out. Ha ha! Sounds like science-fiction, right? Well, that’s all it is, of course. The thingamabob doesn’t really exist. And it didn’t bite Mike on the arm. And it certainly isn’t living in a broom closet in the lab, getting bigger and bigger every day. Like I said, this is all hypothetical. But if such a thing did exist, are there any geneticists out there who could tell us what the hell it is and what it wants from us?”

Thing no one should worry about.

Both Hurley and Shipperman appeared pale and nervous as they spoke. They attributed this to “flower fatigue.”

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