Advice: Ask Max Trask

Ask Max Trask

Dr. Maxwell Trask is chief of psychological counseling at Chrislip College. He has been telling people to snap out of it since 1958.

Dear Dr. Max,

Ever since school started last fall I’ve become a bed-wetter. Do you think it’s because I’m away from home for the first time? I’m too embarrassed to talk to anyone about this. What should I do?

Damp & Disgusted.

Dear Damp,

Incontinence can be a real problem to people who don’t enjoy lying in their own urine. Before retiring say “Bladder behave yourself!” This might work. If it doesn’t, you’ll have to try something else. In any event, try to take comfort in the knowledge that nighttime bladder emissions are just nature’s way of making you pee in your bed.


Dear Dr. Max,

I’m so depressed I can’t eat or sleep. I need a light at the end of the tunnel. I need a reason to live. I tell my friends about my feelings, but they don’t really understand what it means to be depressed. Do you?

Feeling Doomed.

Dear Doomed,

Of course I do. The so-called sun rises on another gray day and a bleak aura of sameness hangs upon you like a heavy overcoat. Time moves in slow motion, promising nothing and delivering the same. People laugh and smile but you know they don’t care. You stare at the razor blades in the medicine chest and think, “It would be so easy.” Night comes, but it is no salvation; you’re swallowed into a sour sleep filled with horrific dreams, only to be spat out into a wakeful day as empty as the one before. Makes you wonder what’s the use in going on, doesn’t it?


Dear Dr. Max,

My problem might seem trivial compared to others, but it bothers me a lot. I’m flat-chested. It’s hurting my social life and ruining my self esteem. I’m not pretty like other girls. Oh, I hate myself so much. Please help.

Flat Freak.

Dear Freak,

Please don’t think your problem is trivial. No problem is trivial. I went to school with a flat-chested girl, and there were times when her life was a living hell. I remember we used to go up to her and say “Wait till you hear this joke! It’s so funny it’ll flatten your breasts!” Then we’d look down and say “Oh! I guess you’ve already heard it!”

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